What Should I Do if My Wife Can’t Stop Drinking? Expert Advice & Real Solutions

Mild, moderate, and severe alcohol use disorder are the official terms used to describe what used to be called alcohol abuse and alcoholism. Several signs indicate a person may have an alcohol use disorder, with just two or three necessary for a diagnosis of a mild condition:

• She often has a hard time limiting the amount she drinks.
• Your wife tries to cut back on alcohol but fails most of the time.
• She spends a lot of time drinking or hungover.
• She experiences cravings when not drinking.
• Your wife is struggling to keep up at work or with other responsibilities because of drinking.
• She continues to drink in spite of these and other problems, such as in your relationship.
• She has given up some activities in order to drink more.
• Her behaviors when drinking have become risky or unsafe.
• She has a tolerance and needs to drink more to get the same effect.
• Your wife goes through withdrawal symptoms when not drinking.

If your wife exhibits two or three of these symptoms regularly, and they cause distress or impairment, she may have a mild use disorder.

Four to five signs indicate a moderate disorder, and six or more of the above symptoms may be classified as severe alcohol use disorder.

Recognizing these symptoms early gives you both the best chance to prevent lasting harm. Understanding that alcohol use disorder is a medical condition—not a moral failing— can make it easier to approach your wife with empathy and encourage her to get the help she deserves.

Once you’ve learned more about alcohol use disorder and the signs of problem drinking, the next step is having a compassionate and honest conversation with your wife. Talking about alcohol can be difficult, especially when emotions run high, but approaching the topic calmly and with empathy is the best way to inspire change.

Before you start the conversation, choose a time when your wife is sober, relaxed, and free from distractions. Then, keep these strategies in mind:

• Plan what you want to say. Write down your main points or practice them ahead of time so you don’t lose focus during the discussion.

• Avoid blame or judgment. Instead of accusing her of being an alcoholic, focus on how her drinking affects her health, your relationship, and your family.

• Speak with compassion. Let her know that you love her, care about her well-being, and want to help her get better.

• Share how her drinking impacts you. Use “I” statements like “I feel worried when you drink heavily” instead of “You always drink too much.”

• Come prepared with support options. Offer to help her find treatment, look into therapy, or attend a family program together.

The goal of this first talk isn’t to force her to quit immediately but to open a door for ongoing communication. She may not be ready to seek help right away, and that’s okay. Keep the dialogue open, express concern without pressure, and continue learning about effective ways to support her.

If she responds defensively or denies there’s a problem, stay calm and avoid arguing. Remember that denial is a common part of alcohol addiction. Showing patience and understanding now can make it easier for her to accept help later.

Once you’ve opened the door to an honest conversation, the next step is to take action together. Helping your wife change her relationship with alcohol takes patience, consistency, and teamwork. Whether she wants to cut back or stop drinking entirely, small, steady steps can lead to lasting progress.

Here are some effective ways to support her efforts:

• Keep track of drinking habits together. Encourage your wife to write down how much and how often she drinks. Seeing the actual numbers and related consequences – such as poor sleep, irritability, or missed responsibilities – can help her recognize how alcohol affects her life.

• Set shared goals. Support her by participating in the process. Commit to reducing or eliminating alcohol together for a set period, such as two weeks without drinking or limiting it to one night per week. Working toward a goal as a team makes it easier for her to stay accountable.

• Remove alcohol from the home. If alcohol is easily accessible, it’s more tempting to drink. Keeping your home alcohol-free shows your support and helps create a safe, healthy environment.

• Avoid high-risk situations. Skip gatherings where heavy drinking is the norm, such as parties or bars. Instead, spend time with friends who support moderation or sobriety.

• Identify and manage triggers. Help your wife notice what situations or emotions make her want to drink. Stress, loneliness, or boredom can be powerful triggers. Encourage alternative coping tools like mindfulness, journaling, or meaningful movement.

• Replace drinking with healthier activities. Rediscover shared interests or try new ones together. Go for evening walks, take a class, explore hobbies, or plan alcohol-free outings that strengthen your connection.

If your wife continues to drink despite these efforts, or if she experiences withdrawal symptoms when she tries to stop, it’s time to reach out for professional help. Addiction specialists and residential alcohol treatment programs can provide the structure, medical care, and emotional support she needs to heal safely.

If your wife has tried to stop drinking but can’t, or if her alcohol use continues to cause problems despite your efforts to help, it’s time to consider professional treatment. Getting help early can prevent serious health complications and give her the tools she needs to rebuild her life.

You don’t need to wait for a crisis to reach out for help. Even mild or moderate alcohol use disorder benefits from treatment, and seeking support sooner often leads to a faster and more sustainable recovery.

Here are some ways to guide your wife toward professional care:

• Have another calm conversation. Let her know you’ve noticed that drinking is still affecting her health or your relationship. Express concern, not anger, and remind her that treatment is an act of strength, not failure.

• Research treatment options together. Explore both residential alcohol treatment programs and outpatient therapy to find what feels most comfortable. Touring a facility, meeting staff, or reading about success stories can ease her fears.

• Assure her of your support. Offer to help manage responsibilities at home, take care of the kids, or handle logistics while she focuses on getting well. Feeling supported can make the idea of entering treatment less overwhelming.

• Reach out for guidance. Many alcohol rehab centers near San Francisco offer free consultations to help families understand the treatment process and next steps. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Alcohol use disorder is highly treatable, and recovery begins with one decision – to ask for help. With compassionate, evidence-based care, your wife can regain her health, confidence, and sense of control.

At Alta Mira Recovery Programs, we provide residential alcohol treatment for women and men in a private, healing environment overlooking the San Francisco Bay. Our team of licensed clinicians specializes in treating alcohol addiction and co-occurring mental health disorders using proven, holistic approaches that promote lasting change.

If your wife can’t stop drinking and needs professional care, we’re here to help every step of the way. Contact Alta Mira today to learn more about our individualized treatment programs and start your family’s journey toward lasting wellness.